PRO TIP: When dealing with rival gangs the old adage “shoot first ask questions later” does not apply.  Often starting a gang war with a friendly “How are you today, sirs?” or “How about this weather we’ve been having?” lightens what can often be a tenuous mood and creates a more friendly atmosphere for bloodshed.  This advice also applies to police riots and involuntary manslaughter.

PRO TIP: When you are fired from your job (and you will be) it’s best to punch all of your co-workers in the ear, twice.  Once for general retribution and a second time for a free slice of pie.  You always get a free slice of pie on the second successful blow.