About
Pro Tips of the Day are a naturally-occurring substance found in the scales of saltwater fish. Since their discovery by Thomas Puebe on May 14th, 1846, over 300 tons of Pro Tips have been produced annually. The Pro Tips are extracted from the fish’s scales by grinding the scales into a powder, mixing with water to form a paste, then yelping and shrieking at the top of your lungs while applying the paste to your penis and masturbating feverishly into an open magazine. Tiny globs of semen will land on certain words in the magazine, highlighting your Pro Tip. The first recorded Pro Tip was, “If you work in a hospital, wash your hands before touching people.” It proved to be a helpful tip and, since then, Pro Tips have been widely regarded as the world’s best source of advice.